No where to turn

My years teaching in title 1 schools are over but they are not long forgotten. For teachers in these schools, the children are forever etched in our minds and have permanent residence in our hearts. Maybe not all of them but the ones that are forgotten, led astray by neglectful parents, or just plain abused, these angels never leave our hearts. This is one of the biggest reasons I left and will not be returning even though I loved teaching more than anything. My heart overflowed for these children and I bent over backwards to make sure they had the same chance in life (or at least 2nd and 3rd grade) that every other kid. I can honestly say there isn't a day that goes by that some of these kids aren't on my heart. But that stress and dismal outlook on life took its toll on me and my family.

Since leaving teaching, wonderful angels, like the ones I had in my classroom, rarely cross my path, our families path. We are involved with sports with parents who care, who support, who attend. We are blessed and lucky and don't take a minute for granted. This football season an angel, like one in my classroom, crossed our path. He is a great kid. Kind, quiet, so incredibly polite it is almost unreal how genuine he is, handsome, and so desiring attention from anyone. We have taken him to most practices and taken him home afterwards. We take him to all games (ok maybe one we didn't) and we take him home afterwards. We have him over to play and take him out to eat with us when we go. We offered to take him to a college football game. We found out he was walking over 2 miles to school and home, EVERY SINGLE DAY. We paid for his bus services the next day. (Do you know how far that is? Can you imagine sending bubba out the door at 7am to walk to the school and then walk home, every single day?!) We (and others on the team) give him clothes and shoes and feed him every time we take him home. I have grown to love this kid.

Tonight was our very last football game, ever. Tonight was the last time this group of boys will play and be coached by dads. Tonight was bittersweet. I was so glad for practice and late night freezing cold games to be over but I didn't realize that it meant the end to making sure this angel is ok. This was the last night that we might have to take him home, the last time he might get a balanced meal, the last time he would be so polite when saying thank you for giving him a ride home even though we take him home, every night. I didn't realize all those feelings I used to have while I was a teacher would come back. The fear of whats to come of this young man. The sadness that he doesn't have a good home to go home to. The anger I feel towards his family and the circumstances. The overwhelming feeling of loss of having him in our lives and being able to help him, to now be gone. The frustration that I feel towards his parents for not even being able to come to his VERY LAST GAME and listen to the awesome words spoken about their son. Words that were powerful enough to move this momma to tears and he's not mine. The utter disgust I have for parents who neglect their children. The devastating loss this world will have if he is left to fend for himself, even longer than he already has. But my mind goes back to all those angels that have permanent residence in my heart. The children of our world are suffering in great numbers from something other than hunger (which is a huge need don't get me wrong) and abuse (which again is huge) but they are suffering from lack of love. It is huge and it is the hardest to say you have to have. Which has left me here, tonight. Crying on my couch because there is no way, other than a few things here and there that I can do to help this baby, this angel. He has no where to turn and neither do I.

The worst feeling I have is embarrassment. I am embarrassed because all of us are no better than his parents. We make every excuse to not help him and to hold his parents lack of judgment dictate what we will do for him. We avoid get togethers because he stinks or is a little socially inept. We moan and complain because taking him home or picking him up causes us to be in more of a hurry. We are no different than his parents. We are forgetting that he didn't choose this life and/or lifestyle. We are forgetting that he is a part of OUR world, OUR community, OUR school, OUR FOOTBALL TEAM, OUR hearts. We are forgetting him. I refuse to feel this anymore.  I am left here to think of ways to help him throughout this next year. Putting reminders on my calendar to call his parents to see if he can come over, spend the night, maybe make it to that college game, and make sure his holidays are good. Make sure he knows that our home is a safe place to come. We aren't perfect but our kids get love, attention, and unconditional support. I refuse to be embarrassed anymore.

To this angel these few times a year that we invite him into our home might be the best, they might be the worst, but I know it will hopefully break the endless cycle he is on. It only takes one to break the chain, right. He is worth it. Just like my kids would be worth it if the tables were reversed. I would hope someone would show them what love looks like. So my prayer tonight is for this angel to be etched on my heart and for God to help guide him and his parents to find that love. I want so much more than the dead end I am feeling right now for this young man.